All my life I have been a people watcher. Not a creepy- look in your windows type of person. Countless shrinks and doctors have diagnosed me with many different things. Denationalization disorder- mostly. My mom drags me across the states to get medication and professional help- but I’m not crazy. Gazing at people with interest is not being a stalker- so I’m not crazy, my people watching has changed my life forever.
I was on my way to therapy riding in the elevator. The doors opened a floor early and the most gorgeous looking boy I have ever seen stepped on. Kids my age aren’t interested in me. I’m invisible to everyone. I think that’s why I started watching people. Because I could jump up on a table and start singing the national anthem wearing nothing but a star-spangled banner draped around me and no one would even look twice. But, at this moment I was sure I was visible. I watched him as he entered and he stared at me for a second to long. His hazel eyes were covered of a lock of dark messy hair. No one had ever looked at me like that before.
On the elevator I saw him again, and again, and again, every single Tuesday. I pretty sure when I saw him the first time it was love at first sight. Even though I’m quirky and strange- I’m still a girl. A girl who is wishing for a fairy tale ending- just like everyone else. And right there- the the dingy elevator- I knew I found my prince charming.
Soon I started living for Tuesdays. Tuesdays I would see him. I would watch him enter- and I would watch him leave- without ever saying a word. Every time I saw him All I could think was – Unattainable.
Voosh- The doors slide open again. And like always it was my Tuesday ritual. It was the journey that made my heart fall down at my feet- a lame encounter with the love of my life. He stopped and looked at me again- his look making my crescent moon tattoo burn- and stated with plain casualness ” My name is Ryan. What’s yours?”
What!? What? I was paralyzed. My name, my name- what is it!?
Ryan looked at me whit a half smile on his face- “Your name- what is it?”
Is it possible to go back in time- To simpler times?
A place where everyone was happy-
And everyone had a life that was great?
Is that too much to ask for?
They say to never look back- just keep going forward.
But I cant even walk straight.
I really truly don’t want to start over-
I just want us all to be able to live like children again.
Do you want to climb the ladder?
It will take years.
It involves hard work-
Just some pure luck.
But, once you fall-
It is almost impossible-
to even try to get back up.
You should have learned-
by now at least,
It is easier to fall down-
then it is to climb up.
Some people won’t even risk the climb-
There to scared to the big fall.
They will tell you-
It’s all about the risks you take!
It’s all about the money you make!
When we are born,
We are innocent simpletons
A life about living and death-
Virtue and vice.
Not a thing.
We cannot even speak sense.
Only babble; as if our ignorance to show.
As we start to grow-
The cerebella forms.
The A, B, C’s
And the 1, 2, 3’s.
We reinvent the wheel-
Start again from Zero.
Squander our precious time with glee.
When we at last mature and in advancing years
at the frontiers of knowledge-
We come to know-
that we can never hope to learn about truth.
For our Vision’s weak-
Even in Florida it can snow.
Isn’t this pointless?
Shouldn’t there be a way-
To impart wisdom to a baby?
On the very first breath?
So that it can-
Standing on these intellectual steps-
All about the mysteries of life and death.
For this seems-
To be the only way to stop.
This cycle of life and death and life again.
These never ending circles of flatness-
Of imprecision and exactness-
Of all the pain and joy.
Gone are the days
where small towns are safe.
Far away was once a land
where a stranger always gave a helping hand.
Left behind us is an earth
where it doesnt matter who brings home first.
Long ago there was a centery
where no where near enough was plenty.
Now are the days
where small towns have rape and murder.
Now we have a land
where if a stranger tries to give a helping hand,
they get a backhand.
Now in front of us is an earth
where the only thing that matters is bringing home the first.