Amour Propre


Feeling elegant.

Plaster on makeup.

Covering up the repulsiveness.

Smiling while two-timing myself.

Heading to the university.

Scanning every single girl.

Faking a smirk.

Believing a lie.

Attentive to other people talking.

Despising my favorite shirt.

Drowning in other peoples opinions.

Doubting every last part of me.

Going through most of the day.

Disgusted with the way my hair and face looks.

Makeup cannot hide my emotions.

Questioning every meager thing.

Frowning at myself in the mirror.

Feeling as hideous as the world-as society;

for making me believe I’m not good enough.


Music and Homosexuality

This might be the last essay I share from my sexuality project, I’m still debating.

But, Here is the Third piece now. Homosexuality

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Homosexuality is when an individual is attracted to someone of the same sex. In this category you may hear terms such as gay, homosexual, lesbian, dyke, butch, and femme (Shaw & Lee 2007 pg. 314). It is represented in the media in very positive and negative ways. Representation in the last few years has become more positive with T.V. shows like Grey’s Anatomy, and Orange is The New Black. In the last few years, homosexuality is a topic highly discussed in music.

Hozier is an Irish musician and song writer. He has become popular since the release of his song Take Me to Church. Jim Farber, for the New York Times, states that this song sold more than 500 thousand copies, streamed more than 1.3 million times per week, and the music video has reached over 11.5 million views on YouTube. The big message of the song is comparing a lover to religion. He seems to be mainly criticizing the Christian religion and their views of sexuality. The video depicts a gay male couple kissing, and then being attacked by a group of people. The song never specifically refers to gay rights, but the words in the song present sexuality as the path to morality. (i.e. “We were born sick you heard them say it. My church offers no absolutes, she tells me worship in the bed room…..I was born sick, but I love it”) Farber states a quote from the artist who was born Catholic stating “The church undermines a very natural part of being a human. It teaches shame about sexuality, regardless of orientation.”

Macklemore released Same Love, a hip hop song, in 2012 that is specifically for gay rights and against homophobia. Jesse Matheson states that Macklemore’s uncle is gay, but the purpose of the song was not fueled by the issue of marriage equality, but instead, how the term ‘gay’ is used derogatorily around the world and in the hip-hop community. (i.e. “bunch or stereotypes all in my head…a preconceived idea of what it all meant for those that liked the same sex. Had the conservatives think it’s a decision and you can be cured with some treatment and religion”). Matheson states that Macklemore hopes this song, and songs like it make people take a hard look at the type of language they are using. Same Love marks the first time that someone has positively rapped about homosexuality in hip-hop. The song features Mary Lambert, who is a lesbian, and in part of her lyrics (i.e. “Love is patient, love is kind”) she is quoting from the bible.
This song created controversy not necessarily by the media, but by the fans; all you have to do is look at the comments on the music video on YouTube (same with Take Me to Church). A performing arts teacher was actually suspended without pay for allowing one of her students to play the song in class. The principle was unhappy with the pro-gay and anti-church message.

Both of these songs have the same underlying meaning in them- homosexuality does not mean you are sick, nothing is wrong with you. These songs are challenging society’s scripts for sexuality; both including religion as the main reason for society having “issues” with homosexuality.

Hozier. (2014). Take Me To Church. Retrieved from
Macklemore ft. Mary Lambert. (2012). Same Love. Retrieved from
Susan M. Shaw, Janet Lee (2007). Women’s Voices Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings. New York: McGraw-Hill Education.
Jim Farber. (2014, October 3rd). Hozier, preaching sensuality and gay rights, hits the big time with ‘Take Me to Church’. The New York Times. Retrieved from
Jesse Matheson. (2013, January 23rd). Macklemore: Why I wrote same Love. Retrieved from

Slut Shaming

Well folks, here is another essay from my Women’s and Gender studies class. (That I wrote!)

I hope you all enjoy! 🙂

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Slut Shaming

Andrea Rubenstein states that slut shaming is the “idea of shaming or attacking a women or girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings” (Rubenstein, 2010).  In other words, if a women is not following the sexual social script, she will get a negative label attached to her (ex: slut), and be classified as something “dirty”.

In most societies the only acceptable way to express your sexuality, is within marriage, normally for the purpose of having children. When a female has engaged in sex with more than one partner, people say that is enough reason to call someone a slut. In the United States, it is normal to have multiple relationships before getting married, and now some women even feel that marriage is not vital.  The average age for marriage in the United States is now 26, and the current expectation is still for people to wait until marriage to have sexual behavior.

Policing women on “normal” behavior, and acting in “acceptable” ways, however, is not just limited to having sexual activity. Jessica Valenti, who wrote “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut: The Sexual Double Standard”, states that she was called a slut when her boobs grew faster than other girls, when she had a boyfriend, when she did not have a boyfriend, when she kissed a boy she was not dating, and especially when she talked about sex (Christen & Caroline, 2015).

Who then can be a victim of slut shaming? The answer is any woman. For even if a virgin is not following her sexual social script, she can be labeled a slut. As long as Gender slurs, like slut, are used as weapons to keep girls and women “in-check”, any single female that acts in a way someone does not like, they are at risk for being slut shamed.

Many people see nothing wrong with calling someone a slut. They might see it as helping girls avoid “mistakes”, stopping the risk of sexual assaults and rape, and making an example out of the “bad” girls (Rubenstein, 2010).  Rubenstein states a quote from Leora Tanenbaum, author of Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation, that this single word could damage a women’s self-perception for years; Her peers might now consider her “easy” and she may become a target for different forms of harassment, and even rape; She might become sexually active with multiple partners to “live up” to the name she is being labeled as; or she may completely shut down her sexual side (Rubenstein, 2010).

Rubenstein states that this is a very important topic; it could damage a women’s sexuality. There are numerous ways to attempts to help eliminate this bashing process. The first way is to inform parents that it is important to teach their children about sexuality (male and female), and that sexual feelings are normal (Rubenstein, 2010).  Futhermore, teachers need to realize that this is a problem and stop classifying it as a normal part of adolescent life. “Slut- bashing is a form of sexual harassment, and it is illegal under Title IX, which entitles students to a harassment-free education” (Rubenstein, 2010). Finally, the most obvious option, stop using the word in reference to another person. It can damage the way one thinks of their sexuality, and creates a cycle of people judging others.


Andrea Rubenstein. (2010, April 4th). FAQ: What is “slut-shaming”? [Blog]. Retrieved from

Christen & Caroline. (2015, March 4th). Slut Shaming 101. Stuff Mom Never Told You Podcast. Podcast retrieved from

Hook-up Culture


I love sharing my papers that I work VERY hard of for school…..So, here is the 1st paper out of SIX for my sexuality project!

Hope you enjoy 🙂


New York Times New article: “Sex on Campus- She can play that game too”

The concept that dating is now “dead”, exists today because of the new buzz phrase “hook-up” culture. The premise is that instead of people dating when individuals are in their teen’s and even in their 20’s, just go out and partner up for sex. If they feel a worthwhile connection with their partner, then they might start dating.
The image included with my artifact is from a Duke survey that 622 students responded to in 2014. Out of the 622 students 76% of students said that they want to be in a committed romantic relationship, but only 39% were in a committed romantic relationship and 75% would hook-up one or fewer times a month.
A more in-depth look at this culture can be found in the news article by The New York Times called Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too. This article looks at women at the University of Pennsylvania who are taking a part in hook-up culture, and there reason behind “hooking-up” and not dating.

Overall, these women state that they are involved in hook-up culture because they want a sexual relationship, but they want to focus on building their resumes. One main reason for this is they want to have there “dream job” so they do not know how long they will be in an area, and basically do not want to be tied down. One dangerous part of hook-up culture is that alcohol is more than likely involved. This leads to confusion and a disagreement about a “bad hook-up” vs. a sexual assault. A lot of victims will not report such an assault because they blame themselves either for their drinking, their behavior, or what they were wearing.

A lot of critics of this culture blame the feminist movement saying that they have gone too far (Molly & Christen, 2009). They feel that society and culture are telling these women that they can go and have sex like a man; but they really cannot. Other women critics state that these women as wasting valuable “husband hunting” opportunities. Then, you have other women, like the 3rd wave feminist Jessica Valenti, calling people who are objecting to this type of a life style as “slut-shaming”. She feels that the people are criticizing these women in this culture as being dirty women and making themselves damaged goods (Molly & Christen, 2009).
According to The New York Times article of seniors in there college year, 4 in 10 students state that they are virgins or have only had intercourse with one person, and 3 in 10 state they have never had a hook-up in college (Taylor, 2013). The Media’s portrayal of the hook-up culture makes people feel like everyone is involved, when the truth is, a good deal of people are not participating.
The hook-up culture is exposing a change in social scripts for sexuality. Perhaps because we are a technology based society where everyone is texting and on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram; thus, changing the way people are communicating. The only objectification from The New York’s Times article is that they were only looking at hook-up culture through the women’s view. It give the perception that men only want one thing from a women, which is sex.
This then creates a double standard for men and women. If a women goes out and hook-ups with a bunch on men she will get a negative label attached to her (i.e. slut). But, if a man goes out and does the same thing, he is essentially a “stud”. As previously stated, not everyone is doing this, and the media gives the opposite portrayal.

Molly and Christen, the hosts for Stuff Mom Never Told You (podcast) states an ABC poll on the number of sexual partner’s men and women in America have. For both genders it averages to be 13. For men it is an average of 20 partners, and women an average of 6 (Molly & Christen, 2009). Overall, this culture has existed for years, we simply now have a term attached to it.


Kate Taylor (2013, July 12th). Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game Too. The New York Times. Retrieved from
Molly & Christen. (2009, October 5th). Is Dating Going Extinct? Stuff Mom Never Told You Podcast. Podcast retrieved from

Breaking up with Facebook


Now, Facebook is not a real relationship, but is it something you could or would walk away from?

There are 1.393 monthly active Facebook users with 890 million daily users, so I’m assuming most of my readers on here- like me, have an account.

Now, I know some people who have given up the use of Facebook, but they always seem to come back. But, lately I have been strongly considering deleting my Facebook profile.  It has been cause family issues, and causing arguments with just what people post.

Some other people state that they quite Facebook because they are getting to “know” people with out really knowing them and it makes them uncomfortable. Another person has said she was not really talking to her friends anymore; she would just go and look at what there “Facebook” life said they were doing- in other words she did not enjoy the disconnect it was giving her.

So, I wanted to look up some reasons on why it would be a good idea to delete your Facebook account, and this is what i came up with:

1) Privacy

2) get personal= Facebook stops the need for calling people

3) time fly’s= Facebook is a huge time waster. Live in the present not through Facebook

4) Playing tag= you wont have to worry about what you are being tagged in anymore

5) TMI

6) Compare and contrast= We compare our selfs and our lives to other people

7)stalker tendencies

8) you dont actually know your “friends”

9) you complain to much

10) The need to have people like you

There are many many many more reasons that people state also. All, of these reasons really make me want to cancel my Facebook.

For the time being I’m going to learn to cut back of my usage on Facebook, and YES eventually, sooner rather then later


What about you guys?